"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats."
- Dave Platt
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
- Jeff Valdez
"There is no snooze button for a cat that wants breakfast."
-Anonymous
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
- English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
- Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another."
- Ernest Hemingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
- Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
- Faith Resnick
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
- Hippolyte Taine
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."
- Anonymous
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."
- Albert Schweitzer
The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."
- Ernest Menaul
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me."
- Anonymous
"Time spent with cats is never wasted."
- Colette
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
- Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats."
- Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."
- Joseph Wood Krutch
"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."
- John S. Nichols
"The smallest feline is a masterpiece."
-- Leonardo Da Vinci
"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
-- Anonymous
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
Sources:
http://www.arcamax.com/jokes/s-1093388-428360
http://www.arcamax.com/jokes/s-1092118-522480
http://www.arcamax.com/jokes/s-1092117-771268
Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts
Friday, March 2, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Things That Needed to Be Said (One Line Quotes)
"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." -- Gary Valentine
On the difference between men and women: "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." -- Jeff Green
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers. So people don't blame everything on Satan.'" -- John Wing
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" -- Francois Morency
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'" -- Rich Jeni
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." -- Jimmy Shubert
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." -- Rich Jeni
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading." -- Emo Philips
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." -- Emo Philips
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" -- Emo Philips
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." -- Rich Jeni
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." -- Ren Hicks
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." -- Emo Philips
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." -- Kevin James
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." -- Emo Philips
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -- Rich Jeni
On the difference between men and women: "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." -- Jeff Green
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers. So people don't blame everything on Satan.'" -- John Wing
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" -- Francois Morency
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'" -- Rich Jeni
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." -- Jimmy Shubert
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." -- Rich Jeni
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading." -- Emo Philips
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." -- Emo Philips
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" -- Emo Philips
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." -- Rich Jeni
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." -- Ren Hicks
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." -- Emo Philips
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." -- Kevin James
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." -- Emo Philips
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -- Rich Jeni
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